So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
