Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize