just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
