That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
