drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
