my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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