So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
