Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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