Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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