I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
