He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
