So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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