Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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