I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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