it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
