I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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