Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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