Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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