Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
