Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
