My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
