Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
