Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
