Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
