i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize