i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
