Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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