sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
