She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
