There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You were trust falling into bushes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
