I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
