RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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