Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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