Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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