they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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