can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
