I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
