I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
