why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
