Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This toilet bowl is my home.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
