After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
