At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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