so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
