Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
