just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
