I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize