THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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