If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
