I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You're like the curious george of whores
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
