I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
