Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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