Tell her she can't have a vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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