This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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