You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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