Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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