My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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