i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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