there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize