i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
