I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
