i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize