i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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