10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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