Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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