I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
