is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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