when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
