sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
