so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
