yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
