We won't sleep together?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
