I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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