Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
