I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i've created a new STD.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
