Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
