Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
