Yo dont text me then not text me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just gargled with NyQuil
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
