So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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