i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize