OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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