Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
