I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize