I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
