I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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